May

2000

Journalism Class II

Journalism class, part two. When the National High School Journalism Association announced that it was going to have it’s annual conference in Portland, OR, a mere four hours drive from Seattle, we were hyped to go and whip some hick ass with our freaky ghetto paper. So, a fearless posse consisting of our crack photographer, a completely ignorant “reporter,” an editor, and of course myself piled into the Garfield High School biology van and hit the highway. MORE »

 
April

2000

Andron

I went to a fairly frightening private school from the ages of 8 to 13. It was located on the top of Queen Anne Hill in Seattle, and was super-expensive, and, as a natural factor of that, super-exclusive. It was supposedly a school for “gifted children,” which for the longest time I thought was just a synonym for “rich kids,” as everybody there had ducats to spare. Except me, of course. I lived out in grotty post-apocalypse Tukwila, in a battered old house owned by my grandfather. MORE »

 
March

2000

Journalism Class I

When I was in high school and still entertained the pernicious delusion that I was going to college, I decided to “flesh out” my resume by joining the staff of the school newspaper as – surprise – the staff cartoonist. Easy A, english credit, great. Unfortunately, my position as class clown and irrepressible raconteur led me into a lot of trouble, almost got me suspended twice, and caused a good deal of pain to people who didn’t deserve it. Here’s a story from that period. MORE »

 
March

2000

Runaway

When things get too big for you to handle, when the pains and pressures of life wear you down, when you’re facing a really tough challenge, maybe the toughest in your life, what do you do?

I don’t know about you, but I run away. MORE »

 
February

2000

Prom

I have come to think that by attending my Senior Prom I violated an essential law of nature. MORE »

 
January

2000

Televised Humiliation

I seem to show up on television an awful lot for someone who has no interest in acting; before I turned 18 I had been on local news broadcasts at least ten times, and no, never for crime-related reasons. MORE »

 
December

1999

O. C. And Stiggs

Robert Altman gets a lot of press as a serious auteur, but I have to say that my favorite of his movies (okay, excepting “Nashville”) is …wait for it… yep, “O.C. and Stiggs.” MORE »

 
December

1999

Bad Things I Did Yesterday

I really only did one bad thing yesterday, surprisingly. It was my best friend Tomas’s birthday so I ran crosstown to this bakery to get cupcakes for the office to celebrate. That’s part of my job, I’m an “office manager” which basically translates to “slave.” But that’s okay. Anyways, I’m on my way back with a big bag full of delicious cupcakes when I see that traffic on the sidewalk in front of me has come to a near halt. I finally make my way up to where the obstruction is and find that it’s a fat midwestern tourist woman with a video camera filming some building or something. Some of the sidewalks here in New York are pretty narrow, and this woman was so fat that she was blocking off nearly the entire thing, requiring other pedestrians to inch by her one by one. So as I inched in front of her massive girth, I leaned up and spit a wad of saliva right into the lens of her camcorder. She reared back and I took off running, gently cradling the bag of cupcakes under my arm, laughing like a fucking maniac the whole way. Note to anybody who ever wants to be a tourist in New York while I live here: provoke me, and you will get spit on. Actually, that’s kind of a good thing I did.

 
December

1999

Christmas

Jesus never did much for me. I wasn’t raised religious, and except for a three-week period back in 1984 or so when my mom and I were traveling across the USA and she insisted on going to church every Sunday; didn’t matter which one. And I had to go to Lutheran camp one summer, but that’s a very long and unpleasant story. MORE »

 
November

1999

Drugs

This is probably not going to make my mother all that happy, but I’ve done a fair amount of drugs. MORE »