br> AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL STORIES This is probably why you're here - the meat and potatoes of the site. I'm not sure how I feel about these stories anymore - on one hand, their emotional directness and accuracy is charming, but on the other, they're embarassingly single-minded, self-obsessed and mopey. You can make up your own mind, I think.
	Trip Log - the story of a bus trip along the California coast. Ugly - a overdramatic account of my physical flaws. Stealing - an analysis of my brief kleptomanic period. Drunk - find out how that vomit got on the floor of the subway car. Fratboys, Christians, Disco - well dressed and tapping the keg of root beer, a story of old Seattle. Junior Achievement - the sweet smell of success goes sour in the nose. Not Naked - an attempt to publicly disrobe is foiled. Bands - missed notes and dropped beats, a short history. An Ass From The Past - trouble bubbles up from unexpected places. Two Hundred Dollars - a kingly sum paid in queenly fashion. Interbay - silent nights driven by sucrose and broken hearts.		Jenny - is this love or simply left behind? The saddest story here. Lisa - second in the series of romantic catastrophes. Bridget - third and earliest of my failures with girls. Anna - and we round the bases to make it a clear quartet. I Am The Stupidest Man Alive - a soft and gentle coda to the four-part movement above. Journalism Class I - tales from the high school pressroom. Journalism Class II - additional chronicles of the student newspaper. BBS Party - young, dumb, and 300 baud. Waterslide Park - worst summer vacation ever? Wedding - don't worry, it wasn't mine. Christmas - presents, how to open them before they're due, and more. Acid Trip Park - the classroom of hard knocks.		Manual Labor - lifting, pulling, crying, you know the drill. Bad Things I Did Yesterday - this is a yesterday long ago, of couse. Prom - of course I went to prom, how many chances do you get? Teachers - hated them all. Drugs - did them all. Or at least most of them. Kidnapped Part One - a classic of gullibility and blindness, in two parts for ease of reading. Kidnapped Part Two - the raging climax of the above. Runaway - I was a teenage after-school special. Superstar - dancing shoes on and polished, but stardom eludes me. Televised Humiliation - one of many, this one seen by all of my peers. Andron - a strange name for one so strange. The first thing ever written for this site.
LONG COMICS A handful of long-form pictoral narratives, some of an autobiographical bent, to complement the stories above.
	MARS 1999 is a 29-page story about love, confusion, theme restaurants and fucking Irish DJs. It was drawn in mid-2000. Page 1 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 THE ROBOT was drawn for the Top Shelf anthology in 1998. The art is - crude, to say the least, but the story is pretty strong and about robots and stuff. Page 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 GHOSTS was also drawn for Top Shelf. I always thought this story was kind of underappreciated - I like the art style a lot. Page 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 BEHIND THE MASKS is a depressing little joint about self-image and Lucha Libre. Nice zipatone and some terrible portraiture. Page 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7
SHORT COMICS One-piece gags, jokes, snippets and trifles, some more competently executed than others.
	Haircut Retro Comics 1992 - Garfield's Least Wanted Strip for Pulse! magazine (rejected) Baby Namer Brad, The Frustrated, Two-Headed, Sensitive Poet Mick Jagger, The Huge Pile Of Shit Tommy The Tapeworm Spicy Huge Balls Deodorant With Tits Twitchy Tom, The Alcoholic Surgeon		Kids Say The Goddamned Funniest Fucking Things Renegade Martian Gigolo The Time Team Fuckin' Deformed Freak Cornelius Polyp Herb the Hollywood Colostomy Bag Carlos the Senile Mexican Ex-Porno Star Sarcastic Samuel Joke Time Happy Day		Never Been Kissed ASHL Winter 52 Pick-Up Become What You Hate Band Practice Self Improvement Tales From The Bartending Station Office Space 12, Broke, Living with Great-Grandmother Winter Walk
FOUND ART/PHOTOGRAPHS Oddments discovered on my travels across New York and the world, as well as photographic documentation by myself and others.
	Prejudice Against The Rich - flyer found Midtown Manhattan Rocket Science - photograph by my mother Why Is This So Funny? - found on an airplane returning from Lousiana and deftly swiped. Message - left on an ex-girlfriend's answering machine by unknown forces. Making A Point - photo by Bryan Enk, the author 30 pounds heavier. Dad w/ turkey vulture - photo credit unknown. Dad shows no fear. City Butts - photo by the author. Become Attractive Barbed Wire Halo The Amazing Secret Blind Monkey Neko's Night Club My Dear Scotts Portrait of the author Becky Is Home Safe I Helped Murder These Clones - flyer found Midtown Manhattan 12/15/99 - Do Not Receive 666 - flyer found Midtown Manhattan Underwear Wilmington, Delaware, 1999 Happy 4th Of July My Mom Shaved The Dog Seattle 1999 - photograph by the author Neoprint - Yaohan Plaza, Edgewater, NJ Archie Meets Satan - found on the Internet		Neoprint - Yaohan Plaza, Edgewater, NJ Cool, isn't it? - Super Nintendo screenshot Vegas (Postscript) - photograph by the author's mother New Looks - sticker made in Midtown Manhattan Seattle Country Day School Yearbook - 1987 Unfunny Porno Cartoons Of The 1970s Week Day 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 Memorial Day Weekend - found in Brooklyn subway station Monkey Helpers - gift to the author Award - purchased in upstate New York The Match - purchased in Cleveland, OH Nice Little Relationship - illustration by the author Forgive Him, Dear God - purchased in Cleveland, OH Chicago Pictures - illustrations by the author Pac Man - eBay purchase Orphaned Drawing: Edward Lear Story - watercolors, by the author Potato Game - Boy Scout handbook, 1950s I dunno, maybe it's art - altered photograph by the author Proudest Achievement - high school yearbook, 1994 Trading Cards - purchased in Cleveland, OH Amano Drawing - courtesy Yoshitaka Amano Turn Big Baldy to Stone - video game screenshot Donald Duck Has A Universal Desire - Tijuana Bible, 1940s Hose Clener - photograph taken in Connecticut		Satan's Sidekick - purchased in Cleveland, OH Happy Jerk-Off Monkey - eBay purchase One Big Party - Jack Chick tract New Media Party Bingo - created by Tomas Clark and the author Bad Doctor - photo by the author, his room I can't believe it either - Super Nintendo screenshot Turtles for sale - photograph by the author, Canal St. NYC 1997 Coin-Operated Children's Amusement Machines Of NYC 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 Portrait Of The Author - drawing my Tom Hart Violent Baby - photo by the author's mother Nice One, Cyril - eBay purchase Having A Bad Day - found on the Internet Working Procedure - Boy Scout handbook, 1950s Italians: Got Sprem? - found in newspaer, NYC 2000 Happy Apocalypse! - illustration by the author Alan Thicke, Get Out Of My Bathroom! - photos found by the author Crap, The Monkey Poster - image courtesy PETA, alteration by the author Homeless Cart - photogoraph by the author, New York 1999
SHORT WRITING AND POETRY Christ, yes, I said poetry. I occasionally write a haiku or a little bit of text that doesn't have anywhere else to go.
	Special Guest The Internet And Idiots Therein Once Again Drunken Bartending Summer Coming Undone At The Show Hell Definitive Rant Appropriate Sleep Locations, In Order Possible Names Chesty Spring The Real Me		Mint Haiku Haiku Haiku Haiku Top Ten Things About The South Ally Sheedy's Chin My Bad Self Wasteground "the supermarket explodes Things Not To Say The Ghost Of Emptiness Welcome To The Internet Breaking It (Down) One More Time		Great Falls Who Am I? Under The Desk another broken promise Dear Sir An Appreciation: The Mountain Goats Personal Ads I Have Taken Out Welcome To The Internet Las Vegas, A Sermon Harassing Email Sparky John North Wright - Crazyman A Resume To Work At UGO This One Will Knock You On Your Ass
DAILY GOINGS-ON The bits and kibbles of my life as I produced this website, 1999-2001. Only of interest to obsessed fans, I suppose.
	Relaunch Feverish, Loathing Y2Ripoff Not Working New Digs Disaster Three-Day Weekend With Links Losing Faith Hardly Working Scalp How To Do New Job And So It Goes Update On Patheticness		Singing Telegram Turning Up In Strange Places Turning Up In Strange Places II Male Model Squirrel Week - Summation and Resources Squirrel Week - Q & A Squirrel Week - Respective Quality Comparison Squirrel Week - Contract Squirrel Week - Intro Giant Insects Updates Unemployed Check, Please Hitting Bottom		Thinking Like Amano Birthday Housing Problems Frenzied Activity Directionless Let Me Show You Something Bombs Over Baghdad Moving Time Two Years Lobster Boy Traveling Blues Beast's Belly MetalCorey Shoot Out The Lights - things fall apart. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
ANIMATION Flash and otherwise, done for a variety of occasions and reasons.
	Mother's Day Starchild		Valentine's Day It's My Birthday! Rapture		Adlut Room Rock & Roll
MUSIC Rare occurances of picking up a microphone and letting it bleed on wax and magnetic particles. More to come soon, with a different page.
	Lone Wolf & Cub		Hammer/Hot Nuts		Seeing Your Name