August

2006

41: Hippie Island

Amber’s new life on a floating artist’s commune off the shores of San Diego isn’t as idyllic as it sounds. The “Flaming Blue Translucent Eyeball Artist’s Commune” was a real place in Seattle.

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: My home life is so difficult.
heathenfromhell: really
heathenfromhell: im sorry
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Do you know what a commune is?
heathenfromhell: nope
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It is a shared living situation where everybody is equal.
heathenfromhell: ah i see
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: That is where I live.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: In the Flaming Blue Translucent Eyeball Artist’s Commune.
heathenfromhell: not very fun then
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No, I spend eighteen hours a day weaving macrame and eating macrobiotic hot dogs.
heathenfromhell: ic
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It is so lame!
heathenfromhell: sounds like it
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It’s just a bunch of grody old hippies.
heathenfromhell: really
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yeah, 61 people live here.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It is so crowded!
heathenfromhell: when can u gt out of there
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Maybe never.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I am married to six different people.
heathenfromhell: how is that possible
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Joseph Rainhorse, Saffron Earthpower, Carl Lumbly, Simon Teacherstone, Ed Begley Jr. and Thomas Greenfoot.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Six people.
heathenfromhell: hmmmmm
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I hate it!
heathenfromhell: how did u get there
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: My dad moved in in 1992 when that grunge music was popular.
heathenfromhell: ic
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: And he took me with him.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: And before I knew it I was married to six old men and drinking kava kava smoothies every weekend.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I have never even seen a movie!
heathenfromhell: if you ask me i would say that is not right
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Oh, I would agree with you 1000%
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But what can I do?
heathenfromhell: i would think there is somehting you could do
heathenfromhell: especially if u hate your lifestyle like that
heathenfromhell: u should be able to get out of there
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Like what? Burn down the commune?
heathenfromhell: you are not allowed out of there at all
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No, I am fastened to the hookah by a 14′ length of macrame.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It is beaded with those big wooden beads.
heathenfromhell: people cant do thatto you
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: They can and have!
heathenfromhell: its against the law by far tdo that to anyone
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Not in a marriage commune on an island off the coast of San Diego.
heathenfromhell: is it part of the Unieted States
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know
heathenfromhell: if it is then it is not legal
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: So what do I do?
heathenfromhell: do u have anycommunication to or get to go backto san diego
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t have any other relatives.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Do I have to get six divorces?
heathenfromhell: probably
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: That will be difficult as two of my husbands are Mexicans who don’t speak much English. The legal fees will be tremendous.
heathenfromhell: its not difficlt at all if u are a citizen of the United States
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know if I am!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: These hippies make everything so confusing.
heathenfromhell: did u originally come from the US
heathenfromhell: were u born in the US
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t remember where I was born, I was just a baby!
heathenfromhell: hmmmm
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Should I ask my dad?
heathenfromhell: yah
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But what if he makes me get married again?
heathenfromhell: if you are a US citizen then you donot have to live like that at all
heathenfromhell: what?
heathenfromhell: u cant get made to marry anyone
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: He made me marry six people already, you are wrong in this case.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Many of my husbands have such gnarled beards!
heathenfromhell: thats not legal in the US marriage laws
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: We are a commune!
heathenfromhell: ah i guessit is legal
heathenfromhell: i did not know that
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It is so crazy.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I want to go to the mall…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But I never can.
heathenfromhell: i dont know what the hell you could do to get outta there
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I wish I wasn’t tied to this hookah.
heathenfromhell: i guess ill have to come and take you away
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Would you really?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: And tie my husbands beards together?
heathenfromhell: i wish i could
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Why can’t you?
heathenfromhell: how would i get there to get you
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know! And how would you defeat my husbands upon arrival?
heathenfromhell: good question
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: There are six of them and they are brutal! Fingernails encrusted with resin and teeth as yellow as daffodils!
heathenfromhell: do u hav children with them
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I am only 14!
heathenfromhell: well the way you have talked about that place i was kinda wondering
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It is weird but I can’t get pregnant yet, I am just a kid!
heathenfromhell: i wish i could take you away so you can live a better life here
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I wish you could too!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What would you do if you swam out to the island to rescue me?
heathenfromhell: takeyou back to ND
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: How? How would you defeat my husbands?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: They would swarm you in a bearded wave!
heathenfromhell: i have no idea
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Please think!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I need your help!
heathenfromhell: i would probably get killed
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: You would need a stratagem.
heathenfromhell: huh
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Like a plan
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Have you ever seen a hippie?
heathenfromhell: do u ever get off the island
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No.
heathenfromhell: it sounds impossible for me then
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I need somebody to save me!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Before my teenage years are over and I’m just another emaciated old hippie woman at the crafts festival smelling like bongwater and a wasted life.
heathenfromhell: i dont know what i can do to help
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Do you have a knife?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Hippies can totally get stabbed, did you ever hear of Altamont?
heathenfromhell: i have lots of knives
heathenfromhell: and guns
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Really?
heathenfromhell: yup
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Would you kill six men for me?
heathenfromhell: then i would spend the rest of mylife in jail or get hung for it
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: The island is not in America!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: They gave up the rights to justice when they embraced the hippie lifestyle
heathenfromhell: well then i can blast all of them then
heathenfromhell: but i will probably get killed too
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: They are usually stoned on marijuana powder.
heathenfromhell: have you ever tried to escape
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I can’t swim!
heathenfromhell: how far is it
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I can see the city from my window.
heathenfromhell: san diego?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes!
heathenfromhell: ic
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: So it can’t be that far.
heathenfromhell: nope
heathenfromhell: do u know the name of the island
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: The Flaming Blue Translucent Eyeball Artists Commune Island.
heathenfromhell: ic
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know if it’s on maps.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It is a man-made island.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: They tied seven old schoolbuses together with yarn and sunk them in the bay.
heathenfromhell: really
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes, it was quite ingenious! They used eighteen hundred unraveled god’s eyes.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Back to you coming to rescue me, though.
heathenfromhell: i dont know what to do
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Swim out to the island, kill my husbands and maybe my dad, swim back with me.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Easy!
heathenfromhell: its not that easy
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Why not?
heathenfromhell: cause its a risk to take
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But aren’t I worth the risk?
heathenfromhell: yes
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: The risk of being attacked by a twelve-armed squid of grizzled, patchouli-smelling polygamy?
heathenfromhell: yup
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: You are very brave!
heathenfromhell: 🙂
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: So when can you come out here?
heathenfromhell: i dont know
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know how much longer I can live this life.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: If I hear one more Peter, Paul and Mary song I’m going to cut my wrists open!