July

2006

38: To Spite Her Face

Another Dad-centric log, this time dealing with an inury he brought back from Korea that hasn’t done him much good. One of my favorite endings ever, too.

weeping_freak: i guess alot of people write to you…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Not really, no.
weeping_freak: oh…don’t you have any friends?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I am very lonely. Many people do not like me.
weeping_freak: why not?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I am ugly and stupid.
weeping_freak: no, you’re not!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: My dad says so.
weeping_freak: don’t listen to him! why does he say that?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know.
weeping_freak: i don’t think you should listen to him. you’re not ugly or stupid!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But what about my deformed face?
weeping_freak: you don’t have a deformed face. what do you mean with that?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: That thing in the middle of my face, look at my picture!
weeping_freak: your nose?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: My what?
weeping_freak: yes, your nose
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What is that? I’m talking about the long bony thing with the two ugly holes in it above my mouth.
weeping_freak: yes, that’s your nose. everyone has one…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: My dad doesn’t have one!
weeping_freak: oh…then he’s the ugly one…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What are you talking about?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I hate this thing on my face! My dad says if I didn’t have it I would be pretty!
weeping_freak: have you seen other people than your dad?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What do you mean?
weeping_freak: you know…other people…outside your house…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I am not allowed outside very much. My dad is really strict!
weeping_freak: i guess that’s because he doesn’t want you to see other people and their noses. but i promise…everyone has that thing your dad says is ugly…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Everyone?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But why? It is so stupid looking!
weeping_freak: i agree…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I should just cut mine off and be done with it
weeping_freak: but it’s so you can smell on things…and breath…
weeping_freak: no, don’t do that…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But I want to be normal!
weeping_freak: you are normal! i have a nose too…ok, i’m not so normal, just physical
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But how can this be true? Are you saying my dad has lied to me my whole life?
weeping_freak: eehm, i hate to say it, but…yes.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Why? Why would he do that?
weeping_freak: i don’t know. maybe ’cause he doesn’t have a nose, and he doesn’t want to be abnormal, so he told you that you are…
weeping_freak: but i’m just guessing…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But I love my dad!
weeping_freak: of course you do, and i guess he loves you too, but…where is he now?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: In the garage, do you want to talk to him?
weeping_freak: yes, please, if he wants too…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: OK, I’ll go get him.
weeping_freak: ok
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: HELLO?
weeping_freak: hi, are you ambers dad?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: YES
weeping_freak: ok…i just want to know why you tell her that she’s ugly and abnormal…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: BECAUSE OF HER HIDEOUSLY DEFORMED FACE!
weeping_freak: you mean her nose? everyone has one…ok, except you maybe…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: HER “NOSE,” YES. I HATE THAT THING. EVEN LOOKING AT IT FILLS ME WITH RAGE.
weeping_freak: just because you don’t have one? that’s called enviousness
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: ENVIOUSNESS? WHY WOULD I WANT A HIDEOUS “NOSE”?
weeping_freak: so you can smell with it
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I CAN SMELL FINE WITH THE ARTIFICIAL SMELLOSCOPE DEVELOPED FOR ME BY HEWLETT/PACKARD.
weeping_freak: i think it would be better and easier with a nose. but that’s not the point. i just don’t want you to call amber ugly!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: BUT SHE IS UGLY!
weeping_freak: no, she’s not! if she is, you’re ugly to ’cause you are her dad!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I AM NOT UGLY! I AM A PERFECT SPECIMEN OF MANHOOD.
weeping_freak: yeah, right. can i talk to amber again?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: SURE.
weeping_freak: thanks
weeping_freak: amber?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Hello?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: You made my dad so mad!
weeping_freak: hmm, i didn’t mean to do that…i just want him to stop calling you ugly…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: He is so mad! He is running around screaming about how he doesn’t want an ugly daughter.
weeping_freak: where’s your mum?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: She is dead.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I never knew her…
weeping_freak: oh, sorry…
weeping_freak: if i were you, i would runaway from home
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I can’t, where would I go! I would be a deformed freak and have to join the circus!
weeping_freak: no, you wouldn’t, ’cause everyone outside your house looks like you! ok, not exactly like you, but with two eyes, a nose and a mouth…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: How can that be?
weeping_freak: that’s just…the way we’re created
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But my dad wasn’t!
weeping_freak: some people is malformed. or maybe he cut it off or something…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Why would he do that?
weeping_freak: don’t know…he seems to be some kind of a…hmm, can’t get the perfect word in english…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Genius?
weeping_freak: NO…i was thinking more like mental ill.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Huh.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I can hear him in the kitchen, I think he is using the whetstone.
weeping_freak: what’s whetstone?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: You use it to sharpen knives.
weeping_freak: ok…eehm…does he have a knife now?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: He must be sharpening one, I can’t see into the kitchen.
weeping_freak: ok…i think you should run….i guess he’s sharpening one to cut off your nose…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Run where?
weeping_freak: out…hide so he can’t find you.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I am handcuffed to the Wurlitzer jukebox.
weeping_freak: oh…can’t you take the knife from him and cut off the handcuf?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: How can I do that? Who do you think I am, Wonder Woman? Wonder Woman isn’t ugly and disfigured like I am!
weeping_freak: okok, do like this. go to http://www.911.com and write your address and about your dad…the police will come and get him
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: OK, just a second.
weeping_freak: ok
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What should I write?
weeping_freak: that your dad is trying to cut off your nose.. does he do any other things? does he hurt you?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: He is trying to make me normal looking!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: He already cut off those two fat ugly things on my front part below my neck, that hurt a lot but it was for my own good.
weeping_freak: your ears?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No, above my belly.
weeping_freak: oh god…your breast?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: My whats? They were two lumps and they had little things on them.
weeping_freak: yes, that’s your breast…write that to 911 too…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But he said that they were two big pieces of cancer!
weeping_freak: sure, if someone is unlucky she can get breast-cancer but it’s not so usual. you can get skincancer too, but that doesn’t mean that anyone should cut of their skin…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: He put them in the freezer and when I’m bad he takes them out and throws one at me.
weeping_freak: your dad is a sick person
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: He is just trying to do what’s best for me.
weeping_freak: no, he’s not! don’t believe that! you must get away somehow…
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: He’s coming out of the kitchen now.
weeping_freak: with a knife??
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes, he is walking pretty slow because he is drunk.
weeping_freak: i think he’ll cut off your nose now, can’t you get away somehow?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I am trying to get out of the handcuffs!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: My chair is tipping ove
weeping_freak: isn’t there a key anywhere?
weeping_freak: hello?
weeping_freak: are you there?
weeping_freak:
weeping_freak: amber, if you’re there, please answer…