July

2006

37: Art Opening

Amber’s father reveals a softer side, a side that appreciates the more sophisticated things in life. Please don’t infer any repressed hatred towards the world of fine arts from this chatlog – I try to not repress that hatred at all.

hrdazsteele: so do you get to do anything?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: My father has me producing a mural for him.
hrdazsteele: do you have fun doing it?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No, his subject matter is sort of objectionable.
hrdazsteele: what is it?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Basically me getting raped.
hrdazsteele: you got raped?!
hrdazsteele: if you did,im sorry to hear that,and that sucks
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No, he wants me to get raped but so far I have been unlucky.
hrdazsteele: why does he want that?!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: He is kind of messed up.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: So he has me painting this enormous mural on the wall of our garage.
hrdazsteele: ive heard from some friends that they would like to be raped
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: For real?
hrdazsteele: women friends
hrdazsteele: it turns them on
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know what to think about it.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I am not a very good painter.
hrdazsteele: they like to be taken control of
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Is that what it is? My dad wants me to be raped because it will increase the value of the painting.
hrdazsteele: he sounds like he has issues
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes, he has issues with not being accepted into art school and having to go fight gooks in Korea instead.
hrdazsteele: yup
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: So he wants me to succeed in the art world where he could not
hrdazsteele: any way…do you get to go out?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Only to the garage to work on the painting.
hrdazsteele: not out with friends and stuff?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No, I need to be devoted to art. He keeps me handcuffed to the Ford Fiesta when I’m not painting.
hrdazsteele: are you serious?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes. He says art is a harsh mistress.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: So far I have produced nearly 130 paintings.
hrdazsteele: thats cool,are you making any money?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No, he is waiting for a gallery to take interest.
hrdazsteele: oh
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But he says that nobody will buy any of these paintings until I get raped for real.
hrdazsteele: what about if you were in a porno
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: A what?
hrdazsteele: to take the place of being raped
hrdazsteele: youd get paid for it
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t think that would get written up in Artforum.
hrdazsteele: but getting raped would?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What his plan is, is once I finish this mural, he’s going to open up the garage to the neighborhood and bracket me to the driveway with c-clamps naked.
hrdazsteele: for what?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: The local rapists will see the mural (of me getting raped) and see me there naked and just kind of do the math.
hrdazsteele: maybe we can set up some cameras and ill call some buddies from work to do it?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What do you know about the contemporary art world?
hrdazsteele: nothing really
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: See, my dad has done a lot of reading.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: mostly Penthouse and Art In America.
hrdazsteele: does he think thats art?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know, art is very complicated. I am only 14.
hrdazsteele: art is in the eyes of the beholder
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I agree, but if you want to make money off of it (as my father wishes to) you need some kind of gimmick.
hrdazsteele: what does your mom think about this “gimmick”
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: She died when I was a baby.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I never knew her.
hrdazsteele: my mom and dad has been divorces since before i was born
hrdazsteele: i know how you feel
hrdazsteele: i never know my mom either
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes, my mom apparently didn’t want my dad to be an artist.
hrdazsteele: oh
hrdazsteele: have you fucked before?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No, I am a virgin. It’s all part of his plan.
hrdazsteele: you are staying a virgin to do the art thing?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Until we have the opening of the garage, yes.
hrdazsteele: have you had any kind of a boyfriend before?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I am about 5/8 done with the mural.
hrdazsteele: when will you be done with it?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Probably in mid September, hopefully in time for the first Thursday gallery walk.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: His plan is to serve box wine and have a jazz quartet play as people look at the mural and rape me.
hrdazsteele: how many people?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know, most small gallery openings attract between 400-500 people in San Diego.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Depends if he can get any local press beforehand.
hrdazsteele: how many do you think will rape you
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know if I want to be raped, what’s it like?
hrdazsteele: i dont know
hrdazsteele: i never been raped
hrdazsteele: it will probably hurt ,since its your first time
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Do you think it will be worth it?
hrdazsteele: i dont know
hrdazsteele: i guess if you make lots of money,it will
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: How much money do you think I will make from being raped in my driveway in front of a painting of me being raped?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Like a hundred dollars?
hrdazsteele: id hope more
hrdazsteele: you could make more than a hundred if you make a porno of it
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know, my dad handles all the money.
hrdazsteele: but i think ill use that idea
hrdazsteele: i think he might get more than you
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: If my dad finds out you stole his idea he’ll kill me!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: The art world thrives on originality!
hrdazsteele: itll just be in a porno
hrdazsteele: hell never know,unless he keeps up with all the new porno
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: So you’re totally OK with the idea of a 14 year old girl getting raped in her driveway, aren’t you?
hrdazsteele: not really
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But you are still going to make a movie about it?
hrdazsteele: but if you feel you need to do it,then i guess its your decision
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t know what to think.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t have much choice in these matters.
hrdazsteele: personaly,i would just run away
hrdazsteele: but thats just me
hrdazsteele: and im not handcuffed to a fiesta
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I hate this car!
hrdazsteele: its too small
hrdazsteele: you can even fuck in the back seat
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I’m more concerned with being handcuffed to the door latch.
hrdazsteele: i just cant have a small car
hrdazsteele: i dont know what i would do without my suv
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Right, I really should get back to painting, my dad will be mad if I don’t paint at least three more pictures of me being raped by six PM.
hrdazsteele: ok have fun
hrdazsteele: i guess
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It’s not fun! I hate it!
hrdazsteele: sorry
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I wish art had never been invented!
hrdazsteele: i would too.if i were you
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: All so he can be a famous painter…
hrdazsteele: wait….
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: After I finish a painting of me being raped he signs his name to it.
hrdazsteele: its you painting though
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What?
hrdazsteele: hes going to steal your painting?!
hrdazsteele: i cant believe it
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: They are his paintings, at least conceptually.
hrdazsteele: youre the one thats gonna get raped
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes!
hrdazsteele: maybe he should get raped
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But the paintings aren’t of him getting raped!
hrdazsteele: i know
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: The paintings are of me getting raped by famous people,
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Martin Luther King Junior, Jay Leno, Eminem, people like that.
hrdazsteele: by famous people!?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes.
hrdazsteele: like who?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Chuck Norris, Bob Uecker, Ray Liotta, people like that.
hrdazsteele: why them?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: My dad just goes through TV Guide and picks people he wants me to paint raping me.
hrdazsteele: thats wierd
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Art is complicated and normal people sometimes can’t understand it.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: He cant paint the paintings himself because all the nerve gas makes his hands shake.
hrdazsteele: oh
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: So he needs me to do it.
hrdazsteele: but you should put your name on your art
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: He would beat the shit out of me if I did that.
hrdazsteele: i think yo should run
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Handcuffed to the car, remember?
hrdazsteele: oh yeah
hrdazsteele: how does he get the hand cuff on the car handle?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I dunno, he’s pretty crafty.
hrdazsteele: theres no place to hook it
hrdazsteele: oh
hrdazsteele: so what are you gonna wear for the big day?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Nothing, remember? I am going to be clamped to the driveway naked with my ass in the air facing the street.
hrdazsteele: no bra or anything?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Nude as the moon.
hrdazsteele: is it cold where you live?
hrdazsteele: you might want a jacket
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I live in San Diego, it’s very warm. Are you making fun of me?
hrdazsteele: no
hrdazsteele: just worried for you
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I’m going to get raped by a bunch of strangers to further my father’s art career and you’re worried that I’m going to get cold?
hrdazsteele: well you health is most important after all
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But my dad plans to beat me to death with a shovel at the end of the night.
hrdazsteele: oh my dear lord
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It is all part of his grand scheme.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I hate him so much!
hrdazsteele: i would too
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t want to paint anymore!
hrdazsteele: youll never get to enjoy good sex
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: That’s why I’m working very slowly on this mural.
hrdazsteele: o i c
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I hate my life.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I wish I had never been born!
hrdazsteele: dont say that,and dont believe it too
hrdazsteele: my life was hell before too
hrdazsteele: but now im happy will it
hrdazsteele: and i wouldnt give it up for the world
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: But you were never handcuffed to a car and forced to paint pictures of yourself being raped by the fat guy from NYPD Blue!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Were you?
hrdazsteele: i guess not