February

2001

21: Sperm In Your Computer

This may be Amber’s finest hour. One day, she got a message from a man asking her to check out his Yahoo! photo album. Of course, I did, and to my surprise it was filled with hundreds of pictures of a Black man with an enormous dong intently displaying his penis in a number of very strange locations with captions like “LOOKING AT WOMEN IN THE PARKING GARAGE.” And then he started a conversation and, well, I may have caused permanent hardware damage.

thekissusa_webcam: hey there beautiful how r u doing?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: You are an enormous Black guy who likes to be naked!
thekissusa_webcam: yes i do
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: And you handle your penis like it was a deadly weapon… of death!
thekissusa_webcam: now thats funny
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No, it is erotic!
thekissusa_webcam: thats cool
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes, it is!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Who takes all those pictures of you?
thekissusa_webcam: a friend she lived next door
thekissusa_webcam: but i moved why do u want 2 take them 4 me
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Do you have to use a special lens so the camera won’t explode from your enormous cock-hotness?
thekissusa_webcam: no and it isnt that big
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Are you kidding me? It’s he-yuge!
thekissusa_webcam: i need another person 2 take my pics do u want 2?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: You could choke a small dog with that meatsausage!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Anyways, let’s talk about something else, i.e. me.
thekissusa_webcam: ok what do u want 2 talk about
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: How about cybersexual intercourse with an enormous-penised Black man who enjoys showing off his enormous penis?
thekissusa_webcam: go 4 it
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: All right then!
thekissusa_webcam: …
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Let’s get down to business!
thekissusa_webcam: ok
thekissusa_webcam: 2 bad u dont have a webcam
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Do you have one?
thekissusa_webcam: yes
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Can I see it?
thekissusa_webcam: yes
thekissusa_webcam: do u need my ip address
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: That will do it! I want to see you talking to me!
thekissusa_webcam: ok let me get it turned on and do i need 2 have netmeeting on as well
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Probably.
thekissusa_webcam: ok give me a sec
thekissusa_webcam: r u there
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes!
thekissusa_webcam: ok what do i have 2 do
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Give me your IP address
thekissusa_webcam: 4.48.112.167
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Uh-oh!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: My computer is giving me an error
thekissusa_webcam: give me a sec try
thekissusa_webcam: 4.48.112.155
thekissusa_webcam: and I’ll check again
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I tried, it is giving me an error.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It says:
thekissusa_webcam: ok 1 sec
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: “ERROR 187: REFUSE TO CONNECT WITH BLACK FAGGOT’S WEBCAM.”
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Weird!
thekissusa_webcam: what
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: My computer is acting all funny
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Just a sec
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Nope, it keeps giving me that same error.
thekissusa_webcam: 1 sec
thekissusa_webcam: 4.48.112.109 try that
thekissusa_webcam: sorry
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Okay, now it’s giving me a different error:
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: “THIS WEBCAM IS TOO FRUITY TO BE CONTACTED”
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What does that mean?
thekissusa_webcam: let me turn it on 1 sec sorry its off
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Tell me when I should try again.
thekissusa_webcam: the cams on do u think i may have 2 call your pc
thekissusa_webcam: with your ip
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No, that won’t work. Let me try your IP again.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Just a second.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Okay, I could see you for a second and then it gave me another error.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It said “ERROR 667 THIS BLACK MAN IS FAR TOO WEIRD AND NAKED.”
thekissusa_webcam: try again
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I am not very smart when it comes to computers.
thekissusa_webcam: thats ok the cams on and i c myself so u should c me aswell
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Okay, I will try again!
thekissusa_webcam: ok
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: …connecting!
thekissusa_webcam: ok
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: “ERROR 3117 THIS TINY-COCKED SCHWARTZE’S WEBCAM MUST NOT BE VIEWED BY YOUR VIRGINAL 14-YEAR OLD EYES.”
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Not working still.
thekissusa_webcam: that stinks
thekissusa_webcam: its on and i can c myself
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I know! I hate computers so much!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Why don’t you just tell me what you see?
thekissusa_webcam: ya so do i sometimes
thekissusa_webcam: i c myself
thekissusa_webcam: u should be able 2
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I know, but every time I try it gives me one of those errors!
thekissusa_webcam: that stinks
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It does! What are you doing now?
thekissusa_webcam: reading netmeeting
thekissusa_webcam: it tells me how 2 make a call 2 a pc
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Trying to find out what’s wrong?
thekissusa_webcam: yes
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Did you look up those errors I got?
thekissusa_webcam: no it tells me i can call my phone # ip address and directories
thekissusa_webcam: or e-mail
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Very strange. Did it give you any way to de-faggotify your webcam so I could see it?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Because I think that’s the problem.
thekissusa_webcam: what?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What? That is what my computer said.
thekissusa_webcam: lol
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don’t understand! I want to see you and you are using all these weird words.
thekissusa_webcam: i’d like 4 u 2 c me
thekissusa_webcam: i’d like 2 c u
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes! I would also like to use numbers instead of words.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Let’s try one more time, OK?
thekissusa_webcam: ok
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Give me the IP again.
thekissusa_webcam: ok
thekissusa_webcam: 4.48.112.109
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Just a sec.
thekissusa_webcam: ok
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It’s working!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It’s working!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Oh, wait.
thekissusa_webcam: cool
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
thekissusa_webcam:
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It crashed again.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Do you want to know what it said?
thekissusa_webcam: yes
thekissusa_webcam: what did u c me
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I only saw your face very quickly!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: You are so attractive
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Here is the error it gave me.
thekissusa_webcam: thnks
thekissusa_webcam: ok try again
thekissusa_webcam: i truned off netmeeting and now i have iviata on its 4 the webcam
thekissusa_webcam: thats what i had on when u saw me
thekissusa_webcam: but i put netmeeting on and u got the error
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: “ERROR 404 LOOKING AT THE IMAGE OF THIS INSANE, FRUITY GAY EXHIBITIONIST WILL MAKE YOU GO BLIND. HE HANGS OUT IN PARKING LOTS AND MASTURBATES. HE IS OBVIOUSLY A STALKER AND A SERIAL KILLER AND CANNOT COMMUNICATE WITH NORMAL WOMEN. HE HASN’T GOTTEN LAID SINCE 1993 AND JERKS OFF THREE TIMES A DAY. HE HAS AIDS IN HIS ASSHOLE FROM ALL THE GAYNESS. WEBCAM CANNOT BE CONTACTED.”
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: That’s what it said.
thekissusa_webcam: ok try 1 more time
thekissusa_webcam: 4.48.112.109
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Are you sure?
thekissusa_webcam: yes
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Okay, just a second.
thekissusa_webcam: ok
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: “ERROR 1999: WEBCAM CANNOT BE CONTACTED DUE TO THE IMMENSE AMOUNT OF SEMEN COATING EVERY SURFACE IN THIS DUMBASS’S HOUSE.”
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Didn’t work.
thekissusa_webcam:
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I know!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What a bummer!
thekissusa_webcam: maybe when u get a cam it will work i hope
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I hope so too!
thekissusa_webcam: ya so do i
thekissusa_webcam: so did u c all of my pics
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I would love to see you jerk that schlong live.
thekissusa_webcam: that would be cool
thekissusa_webcam: i’d do it 4 u
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Really?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Will you do it for me now and describe it?
thekissusa_webcam: yes i would
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I am quite curious.
thekissusa_webcam: ok
thekissusa_webcam: i have 1 hand on it
thekissusa_webcam: going up and down slowly
thekissusa_webcam: looking at your pic
thekissusa_webcam: 2 bad u arent here doing it 4 me if u wanted 2
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I know! It is a tragedy!
thekissusa_webcam: but when u get your cam u cam watch me
thekissusa_webcam: i’m sure u could find 1 of your friends 2 take a few pics of u
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I will!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I will take pictures of me looking at women in the parking garage like a creepy stalker!
thekissusa_webcam: cool love 2 c your bod
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: It is lovely, really.
thekissusa_webcam: and I’m sure it is but I’d love 2 c 4 myself
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I know!
thekissusa_webcam:
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: So, on with the jerking.
thekissusa_webcam: ok
thekissusa_webcam: I’m have a nice hold on my cock and its getting warner
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Are you in the parking garage?
thekissusa_webcam: i was in my pic
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I want you to jerk off
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: and then go to the parking garage
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: and put your semen on a beautiful woman’s car
thekissusa_webcam: i am
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: and think of me
thekissusa_webcam: i’m am thinking of u
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Does that mean you’ll do it?
thekissusa_webcam: i dont live by one
thekissusa_webcam: i would if u were here 2 take a pic of it
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Okay.
thekissusa_webcam: but i did cum
thekissusa_webcam: in my hand
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Already?
thekissusa_webcam: oh yes i did
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Wow! You have no ejaculatory control!
thekissusa_webcam: oh yes i do when i want 2
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What are you doing with your sperm?
thekissusa_webcam: put it on a kleenex why
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I wanted you to do something special with it for me.
thekissusa_webcam: like what
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Cum makes me extremely horny
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Do you have a scanner?
thekissusa_webcam: i wish
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Okay, here’s what you’re going to do.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: You know the cord that connects your phone line to your computer?
thekissusa_webcam: yes
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: This is tricky but it will make me so hot.
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Do you have the sperm?
thekissusa_webcam: yes
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I need you to unplug that cord really quick, put the sperm on the end of it and plug it back into your computer.
thekissusa_webcam: why
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Because then it will be like you are putting the sperm in me and it will make me so hot!
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Do you understand?
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Hurry, do it before it dries!
thekissusa_webcam:
a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Are you going to do it?
thekissusa_webcam: yeah 1 second
thekissusa_webcam has disconnected